Ask me about the weather


Ask me about the weather.

“It’s fine”, I’ll say.

Perhaps I won’t tell you how the sun
breaks through my window in a thin line between the curtains
that I always forget to close properly.
I won't tell you how that first ray of light in the morning hits me
and cuts through my skin.

And don’t get me wrong,
I can still feel the heat of summer
and marvel at the purple’s palette in the sky,
right after the sunset.

Ask me about the weather.

“It’s getting a bit colder”, I’ll say.

I may want to tell you about the trees.
The new sounds they’re making because of the wind
and how I want those sounds to be louder.

Louder enough to silence the thoughts in my mind,
the stares of frightened people inside their houses.

Ask me about the weather.

I’ll say some days are sunnier than the others.
I may even tell you summer is lasting longer.

But ants know better.
I’m watching them on my window frame,
picking up food, getting ready for winter.

I’m ready for winter.
I just have to take my winter clothes out of the suitcase,
and wash them.
Then wash the summer clothes,
and put them in the suitcase.

Ask me about the weather.


And I’ll do my best not to bring you in the tempest of my mind. 




Comentarios

  1. Parul19 de mayo de 2020, 2:02

    I loved your piece. It's poignant and makes me think how we sometimes hide behind what's visible. And only share what is right in the face. Well done!

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    Respuestas
    1. Marisol19 de mayo de 2020, 10:24

      Thank you so much, Parul! It's great to read what this piece brought to you.

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  2. Jen21 de mayo de 2020, 12:38

    Marisol! Nice to see you on the YW grids again! I liked how this poem mixes ordinary images (like sunshine through a curtain) with exceptional images (like the scared people peering out their windows). I thought "The thought of a new day / and the burden of the future" was very effective... a new morning which would normally represent optimism and fresh starts, but during a pandemic, dawn can mean the start of yet another difficult day to survive. I liked the repetition of "Ask me about the weather," and I think it would be great to add another instance of this line as the first line in the poem, so then "It's fine" becomes an answer to that question, so to speak. Nice work.

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    Respuestas
    1. Marisol21 de mayo de 2020, 17:15

      Hi Jen! I'm excited to be back :) Thank you for the comments. I put the "ask me about the weather" line in the beggining in my first draft, but then thought maybe it would sound weird to read it twice after the title? What do you think? Thanks again!

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    2. Jen21 de mayo de 2020, 22:58

      I think it would be fine to have it at the beginning even though the title is the same.

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    3. Marisol22 de mayo de 2020, 10:04

      Got it!

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  3. Asha21 de mayo de 2020, 18:17

    That last line was especially poignant. Marisol, it's lovely to see you back on the grids and this was a really good way to make your re-entry. You've woven an evocative poem about precisely the tumultuous thinking that we're all experiencing at the moment. What a year! You used repetition to good effect here, and brought the ending around to exactly what you're avoiding very nicely.

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  4. Saro22 de mayo de 2020, 8:37

    This is such a strong poem. As an editor, though, I want to go in and delete one stanza in each section between repeats, the one where you end up explaining "no, this is what this section is talking about" - the rest of the poem has such powerful evocative imagery that I think you can let it rest in the context of where your readers are and where they understand writers are right now, and let it be universal like that.

    which would leave this:

    Ask me about the weather

    It’s fine”, I’ll say.

    Perhaps I won’t tell you how the sun
    breaks through my window in a thin line between the curtains
    that I always forget to close properly.
    I won't tell you how that first ray of light in the morning hits me
    and cuts through my skin.

    And don’t get me wrong
    I can still feel the heat of summer
    and marvel at the purple’s palette in the sky,
    right after the sunset.

    Ask me about the weather.

    “It’s getting a bit colder”, I’ll say.

    I may want to tell you about the trees.
    The new sounds they’re making because of the wind
    and how I want those sounds to be louder.

    Louder enough to silence the thoughts in my mind,
    the stares of frightened people inside their houses.

    Ask me about the weather.

    I’ll say some days are sunnier than the others.
    I may even tell you summer is lasting longer.

    But ants know better.
    I’m watching them on my window frame,
    picking up food, getting ready for winter.

    I’m ready for winter.
    I just have to take my winter clothes out of the suitcase,
    and wash them.
    Then wash the summer clothes
    and put them in the suitcase.

    Ask me about the weather.

    ResponderEliminar
    Respuestas
    1. Marisol22 de mayo de 2020, 10:10

      Thanks Saro! I've realized here in YW that I tend to explain too much on my writing!! It's something I'm working on, but sometimes I'm still struggling to figure out when I'm doing it, so if you guys have more advices on that matter, I'd love to read about it.

      Eliminar

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