Existir me da pánico


Es el miedo en todo su esplendor, todos los síntomas al mismo tiempo: ojos bien abiertos, estómago revuelto, manos sudorosas, huesos de mis dedos que truenan, pasar saliva con la boca seca y mi cabeza que va a mil por hora "tranquila" me dice, "respira".

Es lo efímero de la existencia lo que me aterra, saber que tarde o temprano dejaré este mundo y no podré ver más cada detalle, el pasar de la gente.

La existencia me patea cada mañana, pone a prueba mi valentía y hace que me esconda bajo las sábanas cuando abandona a alguien más.

Qué chiquita e insignificante me siento.

Sin embargo el temor de existir es necesario, es la cuna de las pasiones, gracias a él decimos que solo se vive una vez, arriesgamos, lo damos todo. Al final del día estamos hechos de emociones, somos mariposas en el estómago, somos cuchillos en el corazón, amargura, simpatía, celos, éxtasis, no somos más que eso.

Así que aprendo a vivir contigo existencia, aterrada pero segura de que tienes algo grande preparado para cada uno de nosotros. Eres la oscuridad total disfrazada de luz brillante, el rayo fugaz que deja una estela eterna, el golpe en el piso de una larguísima caída libre.

Existencia, temo tu presencia más que nada, pero tu partida hace tambalear mis rodillas, que enigmática puedes llegar a ser. 


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